I am writing to request permission for your child to ride with me (Ms. Frizzle) on my normal school bus that doesn’t do anything out of the ordinary Magic School Bus for the science class field trip. The bus will leave from school at 9am, and return by 3pm. We may of course travel through time to see dinosaurs and nearly be torn apart and killed, but time on this version of Earth will be paused during that period.
Please agree to allow the staff to provide medical assistance if a child is hurt, gets sick, or — I don’t know — we shrink to the size of an atom, penetrate the skin of a student and travel inside their body for a better understanding of how bacteria is fought. The school will not be held liable if any of the children accidentally injure themselves, or if they hijack the bus to buy a cake and accidentally shrink themselves and have to avoid being crushed to death by woodland creatures. Advise your child to dress appropriately for possible wind and rain, as well as the possibility of traveling to the Earth’s core and having to trust a schoolbus’s exterior to protect them from burning alive in molten lava. Lunch will not be provided. That being said, we may ask your child to swallow the bus so that we can navigate through their digestive system as a close-up educational experience for the other students.
We ask that your child bring their own sunscreen, as UV rays are known to be harmful and also because we may fly directly toward the sun and risk the life of the entire class. Bug spray is also advised, but note that your child may later become the size of an insect and drown in the spray or alienate the only creatures capable of helping them, so we suggest you use it with caution. In the event that your child is in need of therapy because we decide to switch our destination to outer space so that we can reroute a meteor expected to hit the Earth and end human existence, neither myself, nor the school will be held financially responsible.
Look, I’m going to level with you guys. I’m the greatest scientist in human history and the only one to create and control a school bus capable of shrinking, flying, and going places that no human could otherwise reach. Clearly I wouldn’t be stuck teaching elementary if it weren’t for some legal issues. I mean, sure, the glass ceiling is also a factor, but you guys get it. Can you just sign the thing and let me do my insane job?
Last thing, the trip costs $50. Rocketfuel ain’t cheap and you would not believe what educators are paid. Please see the back for an NDA for both yourself and your child.